I dunno why I started this blog. Maybe because everyone has a limit of being insulted by a special someone in their lives and I have reached mine, more than ever. I know why I'm writing in English though but that's a reason I choose to keep to myself, lets say that I wanna keep my writing skills in practice.

She attacked me again, with words and insults and everything that could hurt me. No physical injuries, she has learned that they are nothing to me but damages her own reputation before the people who see the traces of her brutality.

I usually yell back some smart reply back, a cynical or sarcastic one, today I didn't. I just said ok to everything, yes I cried, I cry so easily which I'm afraid angers her the more, but I cried a real minimum of the amount I felt. I said yes to all her commands, I obeyed her which just broke my personality in the end. Maybe she's happy to see me obey finally, while I am trying so hard to hold my tears back even right now, she's just plain happy to see she beat me. The funny thing is in our arguments she is always the victor, even when I just point out why she's wrong she just tells me not to answer her and that's all we continue like I'm the worst criminal in the world and she's the tormentor trying to put all the unsolved cases on my back since I have enough crimes already some more wouldn't matter.

Everything started because while watering the plants I missed one, one in fifty. She was mad about me being lazy and never completed a work and .. you know. I told her that was the %2 of the plants and she told me how nice it would be if I had studied medicine and became like those doctors who say private lives are not important if the general percentage is in good order. So those plants are not only equal to people but they're far more important than me. It's better than to break my heart than or them to be left waterless for a few hours or the dishes were washed and the rice was cooked or things like that.

Funny how easily we hurt the people around us, out of such small events that doesn't really affect our lives critically. Still, we hurt people and we damage the relationship forever. Assume every relationship/connection between people is a fragile object(a statue, elegant glass.. choose to your liking) and every serious argument is a blow on that object. Remember its fragile, so it has a limit before breaking down. Me and her are like that. The object is long broken, if it ever was a whole. She still doesn't let me go.

She reminded me that I'm dependent on her. She clearly stated I have always been a waste of money for 19 years. She told me to be at least useful by doing all the housework, that she wasn't a maid here. Never once in my life I asked her to do anything, even if I'm hungry and she's not forcing me to eat, I just don't eat. I want to be away from her as much as possible, but how can I? There's no way out of this.. No way except that I break free from her.

But. What does it matter to run away after I'm already wounded so bad and there's no one who could really help me heal them? Maybe I must wait until I finally gather up the courage to end all the pain in one shot. I guess if there really is someone to live for in this life, they'd at least help me to get through these wounds, but no one even sees the infected heart of mine that I try to protect by giving huge parts to the ones I care for, what do I get in return? I don't know.